Those that Live in Glass Houses Should not Throw Stones
An old proverb, that most everyone is familiar with, which means that you should not criticize anyone if you are vulnerable to retaliation. And, let’s face it; we are all vulnerable to retaliation. So why do people throw stones?
There are people that believe that speaking ill of your ex, or putting your life out on a blog, a forum or in a book is slanderous. They say that once the information is out there you should consider who is reading it, or misreading it as the case may be. In some ways I agree.
I agree that badmouthing your ex in front of or to your children is a big no-no and should not be done, no matter how hurt or angry you are. And, when you are hurt or angry that is very difficult. I also believe that children are smart and as they mature and grow older, they will see the truth, so allow them to find out for themselves about that other parent.
On the other hand…
The Truth will set you free.
Everyone has their own experience and no one can take that away from them. Some people have a great experience, while others have had to endure terrible abuse. Some people need and want to speak out and tell their story to help others who have been in the same situation they are in, or they need to speak out as a therapy to help them overcome what they have been through.
If you are honest with your situation, yourself and your children, then you will heal. Divorce is ugly and happens for a reason. Rarely do two people just say one day, You know what, let’s not be married anymore, and then they skip along on their merry way.
For those of you that judge others for what they have been through and how they choose to talk about, whether it is in a forum, on a blog or with a therapist, take a good hard long look in the mirror. Being “enlightened” does not mean that you can be happy that your ex does not get to spend quality time with the children and you get to maintain control. Being “enlightened” means when you read or hear about others situations, you understand and sympathize without holding judgment for their experiences. Being “enlightened” means that you hope that by telling your story it will help others with their own stories.
Life is not a race and there are no winners or losers in the end. Life is about getting by the best way that you can, and hoping that the people you run into during that time are true enough to you that they will not judge you for your experiences, whether they are mistakes or not.
Here is what I have to say to those that feel they have the right to judge others. Perhaps you are judging because something you are reading is striking a chord that you would rather not hear. When your life is perfect, let all of us whose lives are not know and then perhaps we can talk. Until then, remember, those of us who are here to help would love to help you as well, even if you throw stones.
Acknowledge, Accept, Empower and Heal!