MY THREE WEDDINGS


Lately my three weddings have been on my mind.  Whatever the reasons are, I have been going back in time to those three very different days and analyzing them, taking them apart and trying to find the good in the bad.

There are distinct differences with all three.  Forget the man…they all have distinct similarities…but I am talking about the hub bub of the wedding and subsequent relationship.

Wedding #1:  The date was New Year’s Eve and the year was too long ago to remember.  400 plus guests in a hotel.  Seated dinner with an open bar.  Balloon drop and a myriad of dessert offerings, most of them flaming.  A band and dancing until 2 AM.  Champagne flowing.  7 Bridesmaids and 7 Groomsmen.  Hair and make-up done and the big poofy white off the shoulder gown.

Loads of pictures taken, none of which I have today.  A tiered wedding cake and a grooms cake.  A honeymoon trip to Hawaii the following morning.

Wedding #2:  I don’t have a clue what the date was, I blocked it out of my mind.  250 guests at an intimate and quaint hotel.  Seated dinner with an open bar.  A Sunday night wedding with a smaller band and dancing until 10 pm.  7 children standing with us as we got married.  Hair and make-up done wearing a champagne colored ball gown that was to – die – for.

Pictures taken, none of which I have today.  A tiered wedding cake.  A honeymoon trip a few days later to Anguilla, the most spectacular place on earth.

Wedding #3:  March 12, 2009…I think.  Family in the Rabbi’s study on a Thursday late afternoon.  I wore a black dress and boots.  I did my own hair and make-up.  Family dinner after at a restaurant. A round cake.  A honeymoon cruise with the kids over their spring break.  I can’t find the pictures on my computer, although I know they are around here somewhere.

What I have learned in my 43 years of life, is that the pomp and circumstance is just that….ceremony, and in the end, when the last piece of rice or rose petal has drifted to the ground, it is just you and this dude you have said I do too.  And that’s when the real fun and the real work begins.

For those that plan their weddings at the ripe old age of 14, I don’t believe the consequences of the marriage is what is on their mind.  Those little girls still believe in happily ever after, and for about 50% of us, there is a happily ever after, but for the other 50% there is divorce.

If the focus was on the marriage and not the wedding, do you think the number of divorces would decrease?  I do.  Something to think about

Sarah Bates

During my 5 years in the divorce industry, I gained a lot of knowledge.  Knowledge of the court system and how it works, knowledge on how to let go of the anger, knowledge on how to communicate and most importantly, knowledge on how to empower power people to stay out of court.

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