My goal is to help as many people as possible from the site. I offer coaching sessions for those of you who want the one on one personal help, but for those that can’t afford that, and still have pertinent questions, I want to help you too. So, I decided to start a newsletter, which I hope you will subscribe to, that will be sent out monthly with questions from readers and answers from me. If you want to see your questions answered on the site, not a problem, I can do that as well, which is what I am going to do right now for one of my readers.
How do you deal with hearing about your ex’s new girlfriend from your son? She is 26 and he is 38!!! They play house together and mommy and daddy with my son!!! All that I looked forward to in having a child I don’t get to enjoy! It is so not fair that I put most of the effort into raising our son (I stay at home with a part time job and we have 50 50 placement but I am with him M-F except 2 evenings and every other weekend!!!!)I get so upset and get a sick feeling in my stomach!!!! We were married for 16 years and waited to have a child until 3 years ago. He decided he wasn’t a “good husband” for me and I deserved better, but now he’s doing the pretend family thing with a 26 yr. old “B”!!!!!!!! Any advice/suggestions?
You can’t stop your son from talking about the new girlfriend. You might want to ask your ex to meet her and speak to her and find out about her so YOU feel better when your son is over there. The worst thing you can do is make your son feel bad about liking her. Remember, you are mommy and NO ONE replaces mommy. Also, as much as your son talks about her, he talks about YOU five times as much when he is over at his house.
As the primary caregiver, you will always put more effort into raising your son. It is the way of the divorced universe. That does not mean that they are playing house though. This girl has a child come and interrupt her “quality” time with the ex. She has to feed him, play with him and take care of him. She has to bathe him and put him to bed. And, she has to listen to how great his mommy is. Playing house is not fun. If it were, then there would be no divorce!
Lastly, you do deserve better, and he gave you that. How lucky are you to have escaped from a marriage from a man who was too weak to think he was good enough? Certainly that is not a man that IS good enough for you!
The first step is acknowledging the power he gave you and to let go of the anger and hurt and thank him. Thank him for giving you the precious gift of your son. Thank him for letting you go so you can have a better life than what he was capable of giving you. Thank him for allowing you to now pursue dreams and goals that you could not pursue while married to him. Thank him for those 16 years, and instead of looking backwards, look forwards.
Acknowledge, Accept, Empower and Heal.