What do you do when the new spouse is so jealous of the ex spouse that they harass and stalk you?  Nothing.  What do you do when that new spouse is a heretic, claiming to be religious and holy, while telling lies about things they have no idea about?  Nothing.  What do you do when that same new spouse claims to live by the wisdom of the sages and the Torah, while trying to bait you at your place of business? Nothing.

You do nothing.  And the reason why you do nothing is because people like that, who are jealous and insecure, who are crazy and possibly dangerous need to be avoided at all costs.

What do you do when the new spouse sets a bad example for your children? You talk to your ex spouse about it.  What do you do when your ex spouse claims they cannot control the new spouse? Nothing.  What do you do when your ex spouse tells you he can’t stand the new spouse and that a divorce is imminent? You breathe a sigh of relief.  What do you do when he reconciles because he would rather be married than divorced one more time? You explain your concerns regarding the children.

What do you when you realize that new spouse will not be living in the same city as your children, and has said they want nothing to do with them? You breathe another sigh of relief.  What do you do when that new spouse is still threatened by you, even though you are in separate cities and have no contact?  You wonder what your ex is doing to cause the distress.

You hope it will go away.  You know it will not.  You hope they will get bored.  You rise above it.  Because you are stronger, wiser, smarter, healthier and saner.  Because you know that fighting dirty will only get you muddy.  Because you know that entertaining them with answers and comebacks just feeds the pathology.  Because you know after dealing with them for this long and hearing the stories from the children and the ex that there are serious issues there.

You hope they will get the help they need.  You hope they will overcome their trials.  You hope they grow up.  And until then, what do you do? Nothing.

Sarah Bates

During my 5 years in the divorce industry, I gained a lot of knowledge.  Knowledge of the court system and how it works, knowledge on how to let go of the anger, knowledge on how to communicate and most importantly, knowledge on how to empower power people to stay out of court.

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